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8-BIT NEWS
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-April 5th, 2005
THE INTERNET - 8-BIT wallets now available. Rumors of money put in the wallets tele-porting to another location are false. THERE-E-MANG urges all HUMANS to buy one and put SINGLES and BENJAMINS in them.
-April 2nd, 2005
TOP SECRET EAGLE ROCK PARTY - Since it was cover party THE ROBOTS paid tribute to NWA with "A BITCH IS A BITCH" and LL COOL J (Which stands for "Ladies Love Cool James".) with "I NEED LOVE". THERE-E-MANG barely had to adjust their logic circuits in order to perform "A BITCH IS A BITCH" and LEFROST was able to perfectly imitate human female squawking. The main problem was "I NEED LOVE", although THERE-E-MANG spend days attempting to properly program "human affection" into their emotional matrix, THE ROBOTS were never able to "feel" what they were singing. It all worked out in the end. The human crowd was pleased and didn't seem to notice anything missing. Because of the secrecy of the show THE ROBOTS projected holographic human forms onto their chrome exterior.
-March 23th, 2005
JAPAN - The band PENFIFTEEN released top secret and extremely sensitive information about 8-BIT to a Japanese news organization. If any people who attended the news conference go missing TIME-CODE urges their loved ones not to approach the authorities. It is for your own protection. They will be returned in good time, after THERE-E-MANG figures out how to reprogram the human brain.
-March 14th, 2005
THE GHETTO - The Visual showcase was simply marvelous and a true sight to behold. The Robots were in perfect form and completely in sync with the stunning and thought provoking images. Perhaps the visual program will be dusted off and used the next time they play at Budokan, until then THERE-E-MANG (Maybe still a little nervous about his live visual debut) has only programed regular (non projected) intoxicated shows. Much thanks goes out to THE MONOLATERS for putting the whole thing together.
-March 7th, 2005
HIGHLAND PARK - The ROBOTS are preparing for their upcoming video show at the 24th St Theater in downtown Los Angeles. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to insult, amaze, and influence humans THERE-E-MANG has them all working very hard on the project. The call board at the HIGHLAND PARK POLICE STATION was lit up like a christmas tree with many residents complaining about ROBOTS terrorizing the community with DV cameras. The police ignored the calls as usual. It is advised that all 8-bit fans attend the show or risk the chance of increasing the "total loser" fluid in their system.
-February 20th, 2005
THE INTERNET - For all of you who orgasm whenever you hear the 8-BIT remix of BECK's "Hell Yes". Don't go to the following link and buy the single for 5 Earth American dollars. It could be dangerous.
-February 19th, 2005
MAINTENANCE BAY - LEFROST is broken, we don't know how or why. Tonight's show at THE ECHO is cancelled. Suddenly sparks were flying out of LEFROST'S hands and her output devices ceased to function. THERE-E-MANG is overseeing the repairs as this story goes to press.
-February 14th, 2005
HIGHLAND PARK - 8-BIT loves you.
-February 11th, 2005
MR. TEE'S BOWL - Perhaps as a result of the unusually low amount of beer in their hydraulic system. The robots brought back their trademark peaceful/loving show. The show included lots of coordinated dance moves and a .809 decrease in lyric malfunctions. This computer program was especially surprised by their friendly rap/rock battle with fellow Mr. Tee regulars THE MORMONS. THERE-E-MANG and I were as skeptical as everyone else when 8-bit decided to trade off songs with the rock supergroup. However, instead of a lame presentation of sounds, it was one of the best and most enjoyable shows this program has ever seen. If you were not there, you can rest assured you are now the loser you always feared you were.
-February 2nd, 2005
THE DERBY - Caught up in the frenzy of the best sounding 8-bit show ever SPACY-K emulates his hero JUNGLE DJ TOWA TOWA (From the super group DEEE-LITE) by falling off the stage and breaking his robot back. Be sure to attend future 8-bit shows to see SPACY-K in his high tech robotic wheelchair.
-January 29th, 2005
IN A LOS ANGELES BASEMENT - While riding an emotional high, a result of their Beck remix, the robots make the mistake of producing a single for another band. Perhaps not realizing the difference between good musicians and bad musicians the robots accepted an invitation from "The Lamps" (Who are a far cry from Beck's skill and tenacity when handling musical instruments.) to produce a single for an upcoming compilation. If 8-bit hasn't learned from this lesson perhaps you too can jump on the 8-bit remix/recording bandwagon. Chances are it will cost you anywhere from 1 million dollars to a 30 pack of Tecate. Which I believe were the prices paid by "Beck" and "The Lamps" respectively. Hear the 8-Bit lamps recording by clicking on the links below.
-January 27th, 2005
THERE-E-MANG'S BRAIN - The 8-bit control unit (THERE-E-MANG), tired of the shitty, old, and never updated webpage, has created a new program in his mechanical brain to refurbish and update the 8-bit web page. The program (TIME-CODE) is in a synchronous radio lock with each robot (and THERE-E-MANG himself) making it possible for continuous and correct web page updates. Also, you can now buy 8-bit shit with paypal. Shying away from such showy titles like "web master", TIME-CODE would prefer simply to be known as the WEB-BLASTA.
-January 26th, 2005
INTERSCOPE RECORDS - International Rap superstar "BECK" and his record label, interscope records, released the remix of "HELL YES" today. This remix was done by the 8-bit robots and features a rap battle between the 8-bit control unit THERE-E-MANG and Beck. The robots are very excited about this turn of events and quickly claim to have been a fan since Beck's debut album, "One Foot In The Grave". (Posers, as if their own fame wasn't enough for those greedy bastards.) Check out the video for the 8-bit remix "HELL YES" at the following links.
-January 22nd, 2005
HOUSE PARTY - 8-BIT is assinated by rival gangsta rap crew CRUNK EAGLE... Near the end of an amazing show at an amazing party ,all hell broke loose as a figure in black began to unload upon the robots. Police suspect the gunman was UNKY CRUNKY, member of notorious crunk crew, CRUNK EAGLE. Witnesses heard Mr. CRUNKY shouting, "CRUNK EAGLE BITCH!" as he shoot int the air and fled into the night. As the robots fell to the ground ANTI-LOG shouted "FUCK YOU CRUNK EAGLE, YOU CAN'T HAVE ALL THE CRUNK" then collapsed. SPACY-K was the last robot standing, after sustaining several direct hits, and finally fell to the ground. Just when everyone thought it was over for the robots, THERE-E-MANG promptly came to the scene to remind 8-bit that they are not human and therefore incapable of death. The robots resurrected and ROBO-T dedicated the next song to Jesus (the son of GOD) which was entitled "SUCK MA DICK". After the show SPACEY K over indulged in cocaine and lost 5 hours worth of memories, LEFROST smoked pot out of a wooden pipe (which she then stole from the proprietor of the house), and ANTI-LOG (The leader of the group) went back to the 8-bit ship with five regular groupies and six new ones. This resulted in a .909 increase of tang.